


I must've crossed a line (I must've lost my mind)

by orphan_account



Category: The 100
Genre: But it's there, F/F, Just a little bit of Angst, not much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 14:17:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11037903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You watch her Laugh as she runs across the soft, green grass underneath her. She only stops when her lungs give out, and even though she’s only seen her fourth summer on earth, you know she will become someone extraordinary.And suddenly you realize that you finally understand;This is what happiness feels like.OrLexa growing up from Gustus point of view.





	I must've crossed a line (I must've lost my mind)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all!   
> I worked hard on this story, so I hope you all will enjoy it as much as I did writing it :)  
>  Lots of love

You watch her Laugh as she runs across the soft, green grass underneath her. She only stops when her lungs give out, and even though she’s only seen her fourth summer on earth, you know she will become someone extraordinary.

And suddenly you realize that you finally understand;

This is what happiness feels like.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

  
When she bleeds for the first time, you feel scared.

You're not the one to feel that way; and the people among you know that. But when Lexa, the only one you've ever cared for, truly deeply cared for, bleeds black, you feel scared.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

When she's eight years old by the day, they take her away. And even though she's the closest thing you have to family, you know it's inevitable.

‘she is a Natblida, Gostos. It is for the best.’ The Commander tells you.

But this time, you doubt his words.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

You don't have to wait long to see her again, because by the time half a year has passed the commander asks you to be her guard and warrior.   
You promise that you will always be by her side, And you vow with no regret that you will always be with her.

Her mother would be proud, you think, as you ride to polis.  
And for the first time in long, you feel the weight lift from your shoulders.

  
.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

  
You meet her ticha, Anya when you arrive.

Lexa almost stumbles on her feet when she sees you. and the instant she does she is up and running into your arms.

A girl with dirty blonde hair and sharp features calls her name, and you glance at her subtly.

She has a glint in her eyes when she says that ‘Lexa needs to train, there will be time for reunions later.’ And you only chuckle, because by the time the sentence leaves her mouth you've already recognized her.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

When Anya tells you why she left you understand for once.

Because all those years ago when their father was either to angry or too weak to care, you took them in.

Because all those years ago when Anya suddenly disappeared, and Lexa, small tiny Lexa, reached for Anya, her sis was not there to comfort her.

You understand because Anya was not meant for this. You knew long before she herself knew, and even though it was unexpected and even though it hurt, you understand.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

When you tell Lexa about her sis, she's not surprised.

‘ I know uncle Gus! ‘ she tells you with a gap between her teeth and a smile reaching her eyes.

‘ Anya told me yesterday! ’ she says and continues on about how amazing it is to have a family, but you only notice her big bright smile.

You come to realize later that her smile is as extraordinary as her, but all that is extraordinary has its limits, too.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

She meets the healers Goufa when she's seen eleven summers on earth.

You see it in her eyes when the dark skinned girl offers her hand to Lexa, and the brunette gladly takes it, offers that one of a kind smile and tells her that her hair is pretty.

that one of a kind smile only you witnessed a couple of times becomes an everyday occurrence when they're together, and you think that maybe, maybe, Lexa could have a bright future waiting for her.

But there was no such luck.

  
.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

  
When she's thirteen she kills for the first time.

You watch as the body fall to the ground with a thump, but most of all, you watch as Lexa, small tiny Lexa, stumbles on her words and she glances from the dead body to you. She looks terrified and it breaks you.

You feel scared, too, but most of all you feel sad, because Lexa should not be meant for this.

Lexa with her long brown locks of unruly hair, that you spent hours combing through, Lexa with her looks of determination, but also kindness and loyalty.

But most of all you feel sad because you promised her mother that you wouldn't let her become a killer.

‘ yu gonplei ste odon.’ She whisperes and you feel the lump in your throat grow bigger.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

  
She has her first kiss when she turns fourteen.

You're brushing the horses quietly when you hear the unmistakable sound of laughs and hushed words.

Costia and Lexa stumble in hands interwoven and lips attached, to busy to notice you quirking your brow.

They break apart quick the sound of your voice, and Lexa blushes as she stares on the ground.

‘ we did not know you were here Gus,’ Costia breathes,   
‘ moba.’

You smile, shake your head, and tell them that it's fine.

The second the words leave your mouth, they quickly nod and leave the stable hand in hand.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

Only weeks after Anya asks Lexa, to be her seken, and you hear the sound of her laugh and a shriek of ‘ yes! ‘   
Before she's running to the throne room the tell her friends.

She is the best of The Hedas novitiates and you know it's her time soon.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

When you arrive outside Lexa’s quarters to take her to breakfast you don't expect to hear a scream.

And when you walk in you certainly do not expect to see a box at her feet, with costias head in it.

When she looks at you, you get a feeling of deja vu, because she looks terrified, and you know she will never be the same.

She is only sixteen and has already lost the love of her life.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

She stops smiling.

She doesn't talk much anymore either, and when she does it's only a short answer of ‘yes’ or ‘ no ‘.  
She dedicates her existence to becoming The Commander, and when she's not training she's in her quarters where she made clear that she wanted no one except herself to be allowed entrance.

  
You feel as though a part of your heart has left your body.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

  
Two years later a ship full off rebellious teenagers fall from the sky and when Lexa tells her warriors to kill them all, without even a flicker of consideration in her eyes, you don't recognize her anymore.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

They make an alliance with the Skai kru, and when Lexa meets the blue eyed girl with hair like an angel you instantly notice the look in her eyes.

Because The Commanders eyes are no longer dull and void of life, but instead they show curiosity and life.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

  
And when she drives the sword through your heart you tell her to ‘ ste yuj. ‘ She sheds a tear as you feel the blade pierce your skin.

But you know, moments before your heart stops beating, that even though it may take time she will be happy again and that is all that matters to you.

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

Suddenly you're not alone anymore, and the face that stares back at you will forever be carved into your mind.

Before you stands Lexa, with Clarke by her side, and you barely register arms around you as the blonde watches you from afar.

‘ thank you. ‘ you mouth and embrace Lexa tighter. by the look on her face and the soft but firm nod she gives she understand what you're thanking her for.

Behind her you see a small child run amok on the soft grass beneath her and for a moment you think it's Lexa running around, care free and unknowing, small tiny Lexa, but when lexa untangles herself from you, calls the little girl over and looks at you with her kind eyes you understand.

‘ Gustus, this is Cassiopeia. ‘ she says and gives you a small but nervous smile.

You laugh because this is the happiest you've been in a long time and you know that Lexa is happy to.

Cassiopeia is extraordinary and you make sure to tell her every single day.

 

Fin.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up with prompts or yell at me on tumblr cause this was honestly shitty   
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/eternaleclipseofthemoon Or just search eternaleclipseofthemoon  
> Thx for reading <3


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